Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Ketchup Poll Results Are In!

Our polls are important tools for gauging public opinion about stuff that's not related to the presidential race.

Fancy ketchup has edged out regular ketchup with 55% of the vote. Is that a mandate to rule the condiment station? Let me be clear and make no mistake.

I don't know.

It probably says something about how the rich are getting richer, so fewer people are in the socioeconomic stratum that demands fancy ketchup.

But we're finally adding a new poll. Please check the right hand side of the blog and make your choice.

Watch It - The Throne


That sh*t really was cray.

We were fortunate enough to attend the highly anticipated Jay-Z and Kanye concert at the Bank Atlantic Center in Sunrise, FL. We bought our tickets before the Miami show was announced, but after listening to Kanye strain his vocal chords all night, we won't be surprised if tomorrow night's show gets cancelled. T'would be a shame, but we've gotta warn a brother. Might not happen.

Our favorite stuff that happened at the concert -

As loyal Lexus owners, not only did we take the I-95 "Lexus Lane" up to the concert venue, but we love the Bank Atlantic, since parking is free for Lexus owners, because they're a major sponsor of the arena. There's a special Lexus lot, but it was full when we arrived, so we just parked with all of the non-Lexuses. Don't worry, we parked next to a Range Rover and right near a white Ferrari that was parked in a handicapped spot.

Upon entering Bank Atlantic, we immediately noticed that many people dressed in all black everything. Like us -

Well, all black mostly everything, at least. Surprised to break out the Rambo boots again so soon. They were a good purchase, it turns out.

Sitting next to us, in the nosebleeds as you can tell from the first photo, was a really, really old couple. They were at least in their 70s. I don't know if they were chaperoning their grand kids or what, but they were old. So old.

Jay-Z asked us if we were having a good time "thus far". That's bourgie ("boo-zhee").

Kanye's leather Roman centurion skirt. I actually like his style for the most part, but he certainly looks like a clown sometimes. And tonight he looked ridiculous, especially when compared to Jay's effortless style. Kanye sported a seriously satanic goat Baphomet t-shirt (this). I don't know what the deal is with all of that Masonic devil worshipping stuff from a guy who claims he's never going to Hell since he made "Jesus Walks". Whatever, dudes. Make that money. You're not brainwashing me. I'm not throwing my diamond in the sky. Sorry. Love your music though.

The show was incredible. Amazing lights and stage. Energetic and enthusiastic performances from both rappers. They really looked like they were having a great time up there. Jay continues to impress me with how easy he makes it look. Never a mistake. Never straining himself too hard.

Highlight of the night was 99 Problems. Spectacular. If this show is coming to your town, we highly recommend that you buy yourself a ticket.

Sunday, November 13, 2011

8 Oz. Burger Bar Radical New Review Format!

www.8OZBURGERBARMIAMI.COM


Jeez, you don't have to shout the URL, dudes.


8 oz. Burger Bar is located at 1080 Alton Rd, Miami Beach, FL. Phone number: (305)397-8246.


We're taking this one in a different direction. We don't want to get stale. Staleness is not an adjective one wants associated with food-based blogs. So here we go, in the conversational format suggested by Chef BoyarAndy -


Colin: Yo Andy! I heard you went too 8 oz! (Andy: I feel like you're testing my ability to spot grammatical errors here) - Colin: This was the fault of my goddamned Blackberry. It has a problem called "stuttering". I press a key and it types several of the letter. Yaar, it's driving me nuts (you ever hear that joke about the pirate with the steering wheel in his pants?).


Andy:  Why hello Colin.  As a matter of fact I sat beside you.  Was your meal as memorable as my company?


Colin: I'm pretty sure I would remember having eaten there with you, but I may have still been under the influence of the Joose I drank the night before. That stuff makes Four Loko seem like a Bartles & Jaymes wine cooler. You remember those?


Andy:  Remember them?  Hell I starred in two of them in 1986.  I paid for my dinner at 8 oz with two of my royalty checks.



Colin: Oooh, la dee da. Royalty. I suppose that was why you were eating your short rib grilled cheese with your pinkies out.

Andy:  You really were under the influence.  I had the Keg Burger:  House blend of tri tip, sirloin, short rib and chuck, onion rings, "beer cheese", sauteed jalapenos and shredded short rib.  The two toppings I was most looking forward to were the sauteed jalapenos and the shredded short rib.  Sadly, they were also the two that were barely existent.  I counted 3 small jalapeno slices and had to work to even find the short rib.  I was impressed with the amount of beef but c'mon...you can't tease a Bartles & Jaymes man with shredded short rib and jalapenos then use what seemed to be a full head of lettuce and 3 giant onion rings in their place.  You remember those friend pickles we had at least?

Colin: Yes, Andy, I remember the fried pickles. They were quite thick. I could have sworn that everyone at the table ordered the short rib grilled cheese. I must have been enjoying it too much to notice what you were eating, what with the onion marmalade and bel paese cheese. That link goes to cheese.com. Man, the internet is the best. Reminds me of a t-shirt I recently designed, of course. I also had the Wilted Spinach Salad with bacon, onions, and blue cheese balsamic dressing. I've combined those two dressings at home in the past. And I shall do so in the future. Yum! I was tempted to order one of their "Adult Milkshakes," but at $10 a pop, they were a little expensive for my taste. I tried looking those up on line on their fairly cool website, but I couldn't find any beverages besides Dr. Brown's. I should probably look harder. But I won't.

Andy:  See I'm skeptical of those fried pickles.  While they were thick...they were also too uniform and perfect.  Me thinks they were not cut, battered and fried moments before bringing them to us.  Take, for example, B & B just down the street. You know they had just been dipped in batter and fried moments before serving since you'd occasionally get that clump o' pickle that is like 4 pickles thick and has way too much batter on it.  Those imperfections make perfect fried pickles.  We won't even bring up the fact that 8 oz used to serve fried pickle spears...which as any fried pickle connoisseur knows, totally throws off the crucial batter to pickle ratio.  You're leaning toward an "Eat it" recommendation aren't you?

Colin: I hear you, dude. I think Burger & Beer Joint is probably a better over all restaurant and, unless it's a really busy night like, oh, say, Final Four night like it was on Saturday and it's too packed to get a table, then the service is very good (at B&B). The service at 8 oz, in the two instances I've eaten there, has been pretty sub par. They never fill up your water glass at that place! Shouldn't sub par mean really good, since if you shoot below par in golf, you're totally awesome? Still think 8 oz is well worth the trip. I found our dining experience to be lovely, mostly due to the wonderful company of our lively crew, of course, and the deliciousness of the food. Their mayonnaise based secret sauce is sublime. I put it on everything but the salad. Oh, and I didn't put it in my soda. How much do you love mayonnaise-based sauces, AC?

Colin: I wonder what Boden would think of this? He really missed out... 

Boden: This is what I get 2 days after asking what you guys ended up doing???
Andyyou should come over to 3613 for some mayonnaise based sauces and to see the new kitty.

Colin: I guess so. Seems like a pretty awesome answer to me. 
Andy, please stop avoiding mayonnaise-based questions.

Andy:  More like schmooopied out.  I think 8 oz serves a purpose.  I do like the fact that no matter where you are sitting you can see 4 or 5 big LCD TV's tuned to the sporting event du jour.  The same can't be said for B & B.  But that doesn't make up for my $16 mediocre burger and questionable fried pickles no matter how many Magic Hat #9s I drink.  If you want to drink some solid craft brews and be assured of having your game of choice be on a large TV then 8 oz works...other wise go to B & B.

As for the scourge of god (Attila the Hun for you history buffs) known as mayonnaise-based sauces...my thoughts mirror those of Ron Burgundy toward San Diego:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YoKAcVL_phI

Boden: Colin's Scrabble reign of terror is over.

Colin: Yeah, pretty upsetting. You must have beaten some GIRL to accomplish it though. No games we've been playing have finished since the ratings changed. That said, I was getting tired of being at the top for so, so, so, so long. Too much pressure. This really doesn't have that much to do with 8 oz Burger Bar, btw.

Boden: The only games I have played in the last 8 months are with you guys


Colin: Oh, then I take it back. Sorry.


Boden: The best time I had at 8 oz was when I spent the whole day drinking there and playing pool with Ben.  Food is not all that great.  Also, if you haven't been to the B&B in Brickell, you should go because its much larger and nicer than the SoBe one... I think.


***


So there you have it. We all prefer Burger & Beer Joint, but Andy and I like 8 oz, even though the service is bad.


The End.

Friday, November 11, 2011

Oh We Fancy, Huh?

Please note, esteemed readers, that the Ritz-Carlton South Beach is now the official hotel of Eat It, Miami.

"Ladies and gentlemen serving ladies and gentlemen." I've always loved their motto.

Wednesday, November 9, 2011

Eat It - Front Porch, 1418 Ocean Drive, Miami Beach, FL (305)531-8300

www.frontporchoceandrive.com/

Before this past weekend, I'd neither eaten at, nor even heard of, Front Porch Cafe. Even stranger is that my friends have all gone there a million times. So, I guess they just didn't invite me. It's quite possible that I'm not as adored as I once thought myself to be. Frowny face. (That's funnier than doing this : (  Feel free to steal that.) Maybe they just don't invite me when they want to talk. I seriously can't believe how much I talk sometimes. The words will be streaming out of my mouth and I'll be thinking "stop talking" and I just can't. There is too much stuff racing through my mind and I have to let some of it out. Otherwise, my head might explode and then there'd be gooey brain matter all over everyone's nice new, super-soft v-neck t-shirts and maxi dresses. Maxi dresses are these hot little numbers -


Now, I'm not saying that I'd leave my girlfriend for Carrie Underwood and risk a death-inducing punch to the head by her monstrous hockey player husband, but I'm not not saying that either. Whatever, she drools over PGA golfer Adam Scott any time he's on TV. You know he's like soooo famous since I had to identify him by his profession. If I just wrote Lebron James, you'd have no idea who I was talking about, but if I preface the name with "NBA player," you're all "I know that dude!" Just like Adam Scott. In case you can't TELL, I'm being SARCASTIC. Seriously, my dad's more famous than that dude. Stupid Adam Scott. Whatever.

So, speaking of my beautiful girlfriend, I'm a little bitter since she's been gallivanting around Europe with a bunch of lady golfers from her club, and I have been all by my lonesome for like a week. Not only that, but she's now been to Africa by taking a boat across the straight of Gibraltar to Morocco. If I weren't so insanely jealous, I'd be quite happy for her. I've never been to Africa. Not even once.

Luckily my friends have picked up the slack and kept me company. Though they apparently don't particularly like me, I guess they pity me. So that's something. My friends Jeffrika Bodestrada decided we should have brunch at Front Porch on Sunday on the recommendation of our buddy August, who was born in April. He's like this totally cool dude who goes to Mokai and stuff, so he knows his Miami stuff. I don't mean "Miami stuff" like it sounds. I mean stuff to do in Miami.

Front Porch used to be located in a smaller space, also on Ocean Drive, but now that the old something something restaurant closed down, it now occupies the porch and front floor of the Penguin Hotel maybe? It's either located at 1418 Ocean Drive, according to Google Maps, or 1458 Ocean Drive according to the restaurant website. Sigh, life is so hard some times #firstworldproblems. If you go to Ocean Drive, between 14th and 15th streets, I'm pretty sure you'll stumble upon it.

Though we had a 15-20 minute wait when we arrived, pretty short by Miami Beach brunch spot standards, once we were seated, the service was excellent. Our orders were taken immediately and drinks came in about 1 minute. Our food came out in what seemed to be 5 minutes. We were all surprised by the speedy service, so no matter how long it took, we know it was quick.

I ordered the Beach Breakfast Deluxe, which is the kind of thing I almost always order at brunch. It's a fantastic deal for such a great location. You get 3 eggs, toast, potatoes or tomatoes or fresh fruit or green salad, bacon or ham or sausage, and coffee AND juice for $12.75.

The only thing about which we could complain was that the table was a little crowded for 5 diners. We rectified this by putting a bunch of things on the nearby window ledge. We also proceeded to make "ledge" puns. "Living on the Ledge", "Heath Ledger", etc. Those weren't even the best ones, if you can believe it.

We were in a silly mood. Good times.