Thursday, June 16, 2011

National Wiener Day Contest!

We have yet another contest going on here at Eat It, Miami, sponsored by National Deli for a chance to win a $10 Publix gift card, in honor of the resignation of Congressman Anthony Weiner, whose name should be pronounced "wine-er" according to its spelling, but here in America we pronounce things however we want, just 'cause. Think Dwyane (Dwane) Wade or Malivai (Ma-li-vi-a) Washington. Plaxico is pronounced "Plexico." It's usually black dudes who do that, but not in this case. The honorable gentleman from New York wishes us to pronounce it "wiener." So, wiener it is, and wiener it shall always be, since he totally set himself up for the easiest joke in the world to be made by late night television hosts across the country.
The "Wiener Day Contest" will be as follows:

1. Read all of this:

South Florida based, National Deli is now making it possible to enjoy the same premium hot dogs sold in stadiums and arenas across the country, at summer backyard [barbecues] and family gatherings.  The official sports area dogs are now available at Publix Super Markets throughout South Florida.
More than 200 Publix stores from Vero Beach to Miami are now carrying the locally made deli-style franks as well as their own line of all-natural Grade A mustard.  Both products are prepared to National Deli’s premium quality standards, giving customers an authentic deli experience without a premium price.

National Deli hot dogs are also the Official Hot Dog of the Hard Rock Live in Hollywood, Florida; the San Antonio Spurs; the Pittsburgh Pirates; the Denver Broncos; the Thomas & Mack Center at the University of Nevada, Las Vegas; Wet ‘N Wild Orlando; Roger Dean Stadium, home to Florida Marlins’ and St. Louis Cardinals’ spring training games; and in the most famous arena of all, New York City’s Madison Square Garden.

National Deli is the largest manufacturer of authentic premium deli meats in the country, and the largest supplier of deli meats to the world’s leading distributor. Known for its famous corned beef and pastrami, the company also offers a full line of premium quality meats, including 50 varieties of roast beef, several types of turkey breast, more than 100 different shapes and sizes of premium beef franks, and an extensive selection of prime rib and pot roast. National Deli’s mission is to provide superior customer service, consistent quality and innovative products that continue to appeal to their customer’s discerning palates.

2. Add us on twitter http://twitter.com/#!/EatItMiami

3. Do NOT send us a photo of your wiener. This step should be easy.

4. Tweet us the funniest expansion of an acronym that you can think of for WEINER or WIENER. An expansion is the spelled-out version of an acronym, like SCUBA's expansion would be "self-contained underwater breathing apparatus." Don't you just love your Eat It, Miami grammar lessons? So, here's an example: "When Everyone Is Naked Everyone Resigns." Or just post it in the comments section if you don't have a Twitter account and don't feel like setting one up. The "wiener" will win a $10 gift card for Publix so you can buy a pack of hot dogs and some buns.

Best. Blog. Ever.

Wednesday, June 8, 2011

Mmm, Bacon

Being a highly influential food blogger is a responsibility I shoulder with great pride. I'm kind of like a super hero.

But the job is not without its perks. I get invited to pretty cool events fairly regularly (like judging a cooking competition at the Cordon Bleu, amazing) and for some strange reason, I am now a credible, albeit somewhat anonymous, voice in the Miami restaurant scene. It's not like people would recognize me at a restaurant, because if they did, they wouldn't provide such terrible goddamned service, like the last time my girlfriend and I went to Balans in Mary Brickell Village and the waiter, who declined to write down our order, never brought our salad and forgot to put bacon on my US1 Burger. I was trying to be easy going about it, as one must be in the 305, lest one be driven mad by the pitiful service we are forced to endure at most area eateries. But this got me pissed off as I sat thinking about it. Either write that sh*t down and get my order correct, or don't freaking forget it. You're such a big shot that you don't write it down? Ok. Then don't f***ing forget the order, ok? Those are your choices. Forgetting and then apologizing doesn't really fix the situation. Ok? When people spend their hard-earned money at a restaurant, the least the server can do is to bring the food that the customer has ordered. Simply forgetting is unacceptable.

Back to bacon. That's a fun game. "Back to Bacon" a.k.a. "Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon" (sounds lame and lacks the alliteration of the former) is where you come up with an actor's name and you see how quickly you can figure out a movie that the actor or costar of that actor has been in with Kevin Bacon. Example: Christian Bale.

-Christian Bale was in American Psycho with Willem Dafoe
-Willem Dafoe was in Clear and Present Danger with Harrison Ford
-Harrison Ford was in Sabrina with Greg Kinnear
-Greg Kinnear was in As Good as It Gets with Jack Nicholson
-Jack Nicholson was in A Few Good Men with Kevin Bacon

That was fun. You can probably just type it into some internet thingy. Let's try.

Ok, the internet is better at the game than I am. Christian Bale was in Batman Begins with Sarah Wateridge, someone so unfamous that there isn't even a photo of her on IMDB. Sarah Wateridge was in Where the Truth Lies, a movie that undoubtedly went straight to DVD, with Kevin Bacon. That title doesn't even make any sense.

And it wasn't nearly as much fun. See, that's the difference between using one's brain and just going to the internet for the easy, boring answer. I relived all of those movies as I wracked my brain for the answer. That life lesson's on me.

So, back to bacon. That makes me want to play again, but I'll be disciplined and address the task at hand, which is to tell you about an exciting new bacon product. I started this like 2 months ago, but since I am unable to keep the rent paid with this little gig here, I have other things that take priority and I often leave my posts unfinished, as amazing as they are. It's sad to think that some of my work languishes in the Purgatory that is "Drafts."

The product...is...

BaconAir

Ok, so if you click that link, you'll see that it goes not to a webpage where you may buy a product called BaconAir, but to the website of the dudes who emailed me about BaconAir. I must assume that I waited so long to tell you about it that the product is no longer being offered by J&D's. If only I had posted this sooner, we may have saved BaconAir. Instead, you'll have to be amused with the bacon-flavored envelopes called Mmmvelopes.

America is a great country. One in which bacon is delivered to the populace through various media. May God bless this bacon-obsessed country.

Tuesday, June 7, 2011

First Eat It, Miami Survey Results

Are in! I have decided to end it today just because I got around to it after finishing some office work. Ssshhh, don't tell my dad (my boss).

The Most Overrated Ubiquitous Menu Item is..........

Fried Calamari, running away with 64% of the vote. A distant second was Bruschetta (18%), followed by Caprese Salad (11%), and Carpaccio (7%).  Those are all Italian for some reason. I suppose it's because Italian cuisine is so pervasive in the United States that it has become standard fare at American restaurants, whether they are Italian-themed or not. So, now you know that my readers think fried calamari is overrated, at least among ubiquitous menu items.

Next survey? I was planning to do "worst thing that can happen to you at a restaurant," but I'll save that because I thought of a much better one. Check out the widget on the right-hand side of the page for the new one. I hope you like it.

Please vote. If you don't, you'll die. At least according to P Diddy, and I think we can all agree that he's the smartest, most important person in the world, after Justin Bieber, Lady Gaga, and the stars of Jerseylicious.

The End.