Wednesday, November 9, 2011

Eat It - Front Porch, 1418 Ocean Drive, Miami Beach, FL (305)531-8300

www.frontporchoceandrive.com/

Before this past weekend, I'd neither eaten at, nor even heard of, Front Porch Cafe. Even stranger is that my friends have all gone there a million times. So, I guess they just didn't invite me. It's quite possible that I'm not as adored as I once thought myself to be. Frowny face. (That's funnier than doing this : (  Feel free to steal that.) Maybe they just don't invite me when they want to talk. I seriously can't believe how much I talk sometimes. The words will be streaming out of my mouth and I'll be thinking "stop talking" and I just can't. There is too much stuff racing through my mind and I have to let some of it out. Otherwise, my head might explode and then there'd be gooey brain matter all over everyone's nice new, super-soft v-neck t-shirts and maxi dresses. Maxi dresses are these hot little numbers -


Now, I'm not saying that I'd leave my girlfriend for Carrie Underwood and risk a death-inducing punch to the head by her monstrous hockey player husband, but I'm not not saying that either. Whatever, she drools over PGA golfer Adam Scott any time he's on TV. You know he's like soooo famous since I had to identify him by his profession. If I just wrote Lebron James, you'd have no idea who I was talking about, but if I preface the name with "NBA player," you're all "I know that dude!" Just like Adam Scott. In case you can't TELL, I'm being SARCASTIC. Seriously, my dad's more famous than that dude. Stupid Adam Scott. Whatever.

So, speaking of my beautiful girlfriend, I'm a little bitter since she's been gallivanting around Europe with a bunch of lady golfers from her club, and I have been all by my lonesome for like a week. Not only that, but she's now been to Africa by taking a boat across the straight of Gibraltar to Morocco. If I weren't so insanely jealous, I'd be quite happy for her. I've never been to Africa. Not even once.

Luckily my friends have picked up the slack and kept me company. Though they apparently don't particularly like me, I guess they pity me. So that's something. My friends Jeffrika Bodestrada decided we should have brunch at Front Porch on Sunday on the recommendation of our buddy August, who was born in April. He's like this totally cool dude who goes to Mokai and stuff, so he knows his Miami stuff. I don't mean "Miami stuff" like it sounds. I mean stuff to do in Miami.

Front Porch used to be located in a smaller space, also on Ocean Drive, but now that the old something something restaurant closed down, it now occupies the porch and front floor of the Penguin Hotel maybe? It's either located at 1418 Ocean Drive, according to Google Maps, or 1458 Ocean Drive according to the restaurant website. Sigh, life is so hard some times #firstworldproblems. If you go to Ocean Drive, between 14th and 15th streets, I'm pretty sure you'll stumble upon it.

Though we had a 15-20 minute wait when we arrived, pretty short by Miami Beach brunch spot standards, once we were seated, the service was excellent. Our orders were taken immediately and drinks came in about 1 minute. Our food came out in what seemed to be 5 minutes. We were all surprised by the speedy service, so no matter how long it took, we know it was quick.

I ordered the Beach Breakfast Deluxe, which is the kind of thing I almost always order at brunch. It's a fantastic deal for such a great location. You get 3 eggs, toast, potatoes or tomatoes or fresh fruit or green salad, bacon or ham or sausage, and coffee AND juice for $12.75.

The only thing about which we could complain was that the table was a little crowded for 5 diners. We rectified this by putting a bunch of things on the nearby window ledge. We also proceeded to make "ledge" puns. "Living on the Ledge", "Heath Ledger", etc. Those weren't even the best ones, if you can believe it.

We were in a silly mood. Good times.

9 comments:

SuperBee said...

1) I've been to Africa. It's gross.

2) Front Porch is where Table 8 used to be.

3) Front Porch USED to be in the Penguin Hotel.

4) I'm on the South Beach Diet now, cuz I'm fat. And now all I want is Front Porch's potatoes. Thanks a lot, jerk.

Colin said...

Hang in there, SuperBee. Thank you for your contribution, as always. "Jerk" is a great word.

Simon Williams said...

I hate maxi dresses. Might I suggest that Eat It, Miami review Hogzilla and/or Yardbird? I live with a lady who has great things to say about them both.

Anonymous said...

was the food any good?

Colin said...

Anonymous, you cookin'? You obviously have no idea what this blog is all about. You've left some whoppers in the comments section, but this one takes the cake! Mmmmmm, whoppers and cake...

former Boden said...

I heart maxi dresses, they are both cute and comfortable. I'm stealing frowny face AND I want to start an "Eat it, WPB" Love your Blog as always! Go Bills!

Colin said...

Love the Blogger name, "former Boden". Thanks for the kind words and go for it! Just make sure that it's irreverent. Irreverence is of paramount importance. I was disappointed to miss today's Bills game for golf, but not after I heard the score. Hopefully things go better next week when we're at the game.

SOH said...

Most comments ever.

Colin said...

Yeahr it is.