Sunday, November 13, 2011

8 Oz. Burger Bar Radical New Review Format!


Jeez, you don't have to shout the URL, dudes.

8 oz. Burger Bar is located at 1080 Alton Rd, Miami Beach, FL. Phone number: (305)397-8246.

We're taking this one in a different direction. We don't want to get stale. Staleness is not an adjective one wants associated with food-based blogs. So here we go, in the conversational format suggested by Chef BoyarAndy -

Colin: Yo Andy! I heard you went too 8 oz! (Andy: I feel like you're testing my ability to spot grammatical errors here) - Colin: This was the fault of my goddamned Blackberry. It has a problem called "stuttering". I press a key and it types several of the letter. Yaar, it's driving me nuts (you ever hear that joke about the pirate with the steering wheel in his pants?).

Andy:  Why hello Colin.  As a matter of fact I sat beside you.  Was your meal as memorable as my company?

Colin: I'm pretty sure I would remember having eaten there with you, but I may have still been under the influence of the Joose I drank the night before. That stuff makes Four Loko seem like a Bartles & Jaymes wine cooler. You remember those?

Andy:  Remember them?  Hell I starred in two of them in 1986.  I paid for my dinner at 8 oz with two of my royalty checks.

Colin: Oooh, la dee da. Royalty. I suppose that was why you were eating your short rib grilled cheese with your pinkies out.

Andy:  You really were under the influence.  I had the Keg Burger:  House blend of tri tip, sirloin, short rib and chuck, onion rings, "beer cheese", sauteed jalapenos and shredded short rib.  The two toppings I was most looking forward to were the sauteed jalapenos and the shredded short rib.  Sadly, they were also the two that were barely existent.  I counted 3 small jalapeno slices and had to work to even find the short rib.  I was impressed with the amount of beef but c' can't tease a Bartles & Jaymes man with shredded short rib and jalapenos then use what seemed to be a full head of lettuce and 3 giant onion rings in their place.  You remember those friend pickles we had at least?

Colin: Yes, Andy, I remember the fried pickles. They were quite thick. I could have sworn that everyone at the table ordered the short rib grilled cheese. I must have been enjoying it too much to notice what you were eating, what with the onion marmalade and bel paese cheese. That link goes to Man, the internet is the best. Reminds me of a t-shirt I recently designed, of course. I also had the Wilted Spinach Salad with bacon, onions, and blue cheese balsamic dressing. I've combined those two dressings at home in the past. And I shall do so in the future. Yum! I was tempted to order one of their "Adult Milkshakes," but at $10 a pop, they were a little expensive for my taste. I tried looking those up on line on their fairly cool website, but I couldn't find any beverages besides Dr. Brown's. I should probably look harder. But I won't.

Andy:  See I'm skeptical of those fried pickles.  While they were thick...they were also too uniform and perfect.  Me thinks they were not cut, battered and fried moments before bringing them to us.  Take, for example, B & B just down the street. You know they had just been dipped in batter and fried moments before serving since you'd occasionally get that clump o' pickle that is like 4 pickles thick and has way too much batter on it.  Those imperfections make perfect fried pickles.  We won't even bring up the fact that 8 oz used to serve fried pickle spears...which as any fried pickle connoisseur knows, totally throws off the crucial batter to pickle ratio.  You're leaning toward an "Eat it" recommendation aren't you?

Colin: I hear you, dude. I think Burger & Beer Joint is probably a better over all restaurant and, unless it's a really busy night like, oh, say, Final Four night like it was on Saturday and it's too packed to get a table, then the service is very good (at B&B). The service at 8 oz, in the two instances I've eaten there, has been pretty sub par. They never fill up your water glass at that place! Shouldn't sub par mean really good, since if you shoot below par in golf, you're totally awesome? Still think 8 oz is well worth the trip. I found our dining experience to be lovely, mostly due to the wonderful company of our lively crew, of course, and the deliciousness of the food. Their mayonnaise based secret sauce is sublime. I put it on everything but the salad. Oh, and I didn't put it in my soda. How much do you love mayonnaise-based sauces, AC?

Colin: I wonder what Boden would think of this? He really missed out... 

Boden: This is what I get 2 days after asking what you guys ended up doing???
Andyyou should come over to 3613 for some mayonnaise based sauces and to see the new kitty.

Colin: I guess so. Seems like a pretty awesome answer to me. 
Andy, please stop avoiding mayonnaise-based questions.

Andy:  More like schmooopied out.  I think 8 oz serves a purpose.  I do like the fact that no matter where you are sitting you can see 4 or 5 big LCD TV's tuned to the sporting event du jour.  The same can't be said for B & B.  But that doesn't make up for my $16 mediocre burger and questionable fried pickles no matter how many Magic Hat #9s I drink.  If you want to drink some solid craft brews and be assured of having your game of choice be on a large TV then 8 oz works...other wise go to B & B.

As for the scourge of god (Attila the Hun for you history buffs) known as mayonnaise-based thoughts mirror those of Ron Burgundy toward San Diego:

Boden: Colin's Scrabble reign of terror is over.

Colin: Yeah, pretty upsetting. You must have beaten some GIRL to accomplish it though. No games we've been playing have finished since the ratings changed. That said, I was getting tired of being at the top for so, so, so, so long. Too much pressure. This really doesn't have that much to do with 8 oz Burger Bar, btw.

Boden: The only games I have played in the last 8 months are with you guys

Colin: Oh, then I take it back. Sorry.

Boden: The best time I had at 8 oz was when I spent the whole day drinking there and playing pool with Ben.  Food is not all that great.  Also, if you haven't been to the B&B in Brickell, you should go because its much larger and nicer than the SoBe one... I think.


So there you have it. We all prefer Burger & Beer Joint, but Andy and I like 8 oz, even though the service is bad.

The End.

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