Saturday, September 18, 2010

Eat it - The Forge

Hi.

I'm SuperBee. Some of you may know me by my non-blogger name; some of you see me out at events where I'm slouching around, wearing a beard, fretting about why I can't shed that pesky 20 pounds, while subsisting on a diet of bacon, McDonald's, and Maker's Mark, and thereafter passing out in front of the Below42 Vodka gratis Vodka bar in a pool of my own sweat. Some of you know me because you're British, and I impress you with my disturbing familiarity with BBC programming. Some of you WISH you knew me - Suckazzzzzzzzzz!

Colin happens to be one of the lucky persons who knows me in real, real life. As does All Purpose Dark, and EAT. I should be at a party with EAT right now, celebrating our mutual friend's birthday, but I ate a lot at Break-Fast this evening, and have swollen sausage fingers, and tried to go to Churchill's with the Brit, but got annoyed by having to pay a meth-head not to smear her own feces on my car's door handles... and she couldn't break a $20, so I gave up and came home.

And now that I'm here, what better use of my time, than to whip off a lil' blog about The Forge? Colin wants me to. I don't know why I haven't exacted some sort of toll from him, as he never gave me my fuzzy birthday kisses (as he promised) nor has he taken me out to dinner for my birthday (or even offered) but I suppose I owe him this much for all the times he let me come to his house post Buck-15 and drink off his booze table.

Gael, however, did take me out to dinner for my birthday. And that's why I like her better than Colin.

She took me to the Forge. I had never been to the Forge before last Thursday. The Forge is on 41st Street on Miami Beach, and it is a Miami landmark. You should go.

I enjoy the Forge.

I will be back to the Forge.

I'm gonna start off this blog (400 words in...) with a conversation Colin and I had.

J: (on getting an email alert I had been added to a blogger on EatIt) "Spanks, yo!"

C: Yo, write up that Forge review! I have to assume there was something about which to complain. Don't work too hard. The invitation expires I guess, so I'll just keep inviting you.

J: My hamburger topped with short ribs needed mustard.

C: Those bastards.

J: And not lobster marmalade. Also...not enough free bread.

C: Sounds a bit excessive. Tacky.

J: The French fries in truffle oil were... Superb.

C: That text message conversation should be in the review.

J: It'll be featured. :)

C: Nice I jotted it down in a draft just in case.

Well, Colin, I couldn't access the draft, so I had to retype conversation. And it really took a lot out of me.

Asshat.

Just kidding.

I love you.

Call me.

So, Gael and I went to the Forge on Thursday night. It's fancy. It's actually one of the most visually stunning restaurants I've been to in Miami. Overblown? Yes. Will it survive the test of time without looking completely outdated in 5 years? No (with the exception of the Library). Is it still awesome for right now? Abso-freakin-lutely.

We got a couple delicious cocktails at the bar, before being seated in the Library. The Library is a room that looks like... wait for it... A church. With Empire/Louis XVI furniture. Ok, fine. I guess it sort of looks like a library. Really, they should call it the Art Noveuau Stained Glass room, because it's decorated with books. Kidding! Well, sort of. Books and stained glass.

New paragraph.

We got Miami Spice, because... it's Miami Spice, and after having been to the Forge once, I'll be back (with my parents) and I'll make them buy me expensive meats there. With Gael, I just wanted to have a leisurely meal...with three courses. So we got Spice.

She got Salmon Croquettes, Chicken, and the Torron cheesecake.

I got Yin-Yang Gazpacho (it was actually a bowl of gazpacho with half of the bowl red gazpacho, and the other half yellow gazpacho, but... I made it Yin-Yang. It was amazing to have bi-colored soup.) Then, because I'm a klassy broad, I got... the hamburger. It was topped with short rib meat, and lobster marmalade, which I asked for on the side, because I don't eat anything that lives in water or sand. It also came with like... pomegranite ketchup and a little glass of red wine... and truffle French Fries. The burger was good, but it needed something. Probably mustard. Maybe it would have been better with the lobster marmalade, but... we'll just never know.

The burger also came out with a MOUNTAIN OF THE MOST DELICIOUS CRISPY LONG, AMAZING, HOT, SALTY, TRUFFLE-Y FRENCH FRIES, EVAR.

Afterward, the waiter brought out my torron cheesecake with a strawberry beside it, with a candle in it. And it said "Happy Birthday!" on my dessert plate.

Gael and I sang me Happy Birthday (the waiter awkwardly stood there, but didn't sing to me... and after I had made such funny jokes to him about a wide variety of hilarious topics!) and then I left the candle burning as I ate my cheesecake, because I liked the warm glow it shed on my plate.

Eventually, I blew it out, before it burned the strawberry. Which I then ate.

I have to say, the setting was fantastic. The library was gorgeous, and Gael and I sat in throne-like chairs, and I learned a very valuable lesson: One day, when I become King of the World, and have to sit on a throne, if my throne has sharp, carved wooden decals behind where my head may go, when I throw it back, while letting forth peals of laughter, my crown should have a helmet-y shape in the back so I don't bust it open on my throne's ornamental woodwork.

The service was great, and the food was solid. The French fries were orgasmic.

I had to unbutton my pants at the table after I was finished. (I'm Klassy, with a Kapital K.)

And someday, when I have a mansion, I'm going to construct a room in it like the Library (but I'll also include a TV, a fridge and a microwave, and a bathroom) because I think, quite possibly, the Library Room may be the greatest hangover recovery room ever built. Cozy, while airy, dim but not dark... just... perfect.

I'm not really sure what the protocol is for ending these blogs...

But I think it goes something like The Forge - Eat it.

5 comments:

SOH said...

Good review. I'm sure the rambling made Colin proud. Some of the dishes sounded like they were out of American Psycho. Lobster marmalade? HIlarious!

SuperBee said...

Thanks, SOH. It looked pretty awful. So I skipped its gelatinous, nubby-ness.

Colin said...

Tell you what, J, I'll give you 5 bucks for every 1,000 impressions your post generates. Not that I know how to measure that or anything, but I'm going to read a book on how to become a millionaire blogger (probably not really). Great post! Thanks for contributing. If you want me to write about how much it sucks to be a Miami Beach condo-owning, Benz-driving lawyer sometime, I'm your man.

Kimberly said...

SuperBee, I thoroughly enjoyed your review. Because you seem to be such a huge fan of the Forge I'll pass this along - they're hosting October Wine Month every Wednesday and Thursday. "Inspired" food and wine pairings for $55. Thanks for the wonderful and entertaining review.

JNortonMIA said...

Tell me more about this 'the Brit' character. He sounds cool.