Wow, dear faithful readers of mine, do I have some exciting news for you!
Campero Chicken, yes, THE Campero Chicken, only the world's largest Latin Chicken (?) chain, is giving away a free piece of fried chicken, yes a whole piece(!), to customers on Thursday, October 7th, in honor of Hispanic Heritage Month!
I know, it's exciting, right? A company I've never heard of has such a delicious product that they have to give it away for free during a commemorative month I didn't even know existed!
Why these people email me to encourage me to make fun of them is beyond me. They must be masochists.
Can we all assimilate already, by the way? Jesus Christ. You don't see the millions of German immigrants in this county getting all fat eating hamburgers and sausages and drinking beer. Oh wait. Well, they don't wear lederhosen, at least. They do sunbathe naked in Haulover Park.
I'm a quarter Cuban but you don't see me wearing my Hispanic heritage on my sleeve (Actually basically every friend of mine knows of it because I talk about it all the time. Maybe what I mean is that I don't drive 15 mph in the fast lane and I actually use my turn signal, so you'd never know I was Hispanic unless I told you.) And I'm Irish, duh, but you don't see me going out and getting drunk all the time. Oh wait. Well, I'm English, too and I don't eat candy for breakfast. And my Italian blood doesn't necessitate that I act all creepy around American girls.
My point is that I think you can celebrate your heritage without being divisive. Like the way I'm all pushy in arguing that Medianoches are far superior to Cuban Sandwiches. Or how Jeff Boden makes egg drop soup for his Filipina girlfriend. We should all be Americans first and foremost (she really likes the Fugees). We can share bits of our traditions with our friends, but let's remember that we're supposed to be a melting pot. That means we all melt together into one thing. And the best way to do that is to GO TO CAMPERO CHICKEN FOR A FREE PIECE OF LATIN CHICKEN. "It's the Latinest!" - this is my new slogan for the company since the existing one is so freaking terrible - "Flavor You Can't Campero." They're kidding me, right? That's worse than "It's Time to Pollo." Oh wait, now I get what Latin chicken is!