Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Site News (oodles of it)

It seems like only 2 months and 3 days ago that we were celebrating our 5,000th visit. By the way, does anyone know how that differs from "page views?" I guess I can go look that up on the Internet. Good old Internet. Beep boop bop beep, 100110001111000. Sorry, that was a little something for Netty, as I like to call her.

Well, yippy (!), someone from the "Live Free or Die" state is now number 6,000. [for my South Florida readers, that's New Hampshire. It's up north. Don't worry about it.] Anyway, keep those visits coming/clicking on my banner ads. I don't expect to actually make money from this blog, even though I have gotten some freelance writing gigs from it, so I already have made money from it, but I really want to hit the $100 mark so I can get a check from Google. I think I'm at like 50 bucks, but this site has only been up for like 3 years, so that's pretty good. That works out to about 5 cents a day. Better than schlepping a soda can to the grocery store, eh? Eh? Anyway, once I receive said check, I will take a photo of it and post it on this site. I promise not to photoshop it so that it looks like $30,000, while I post ads that I can teach people how to make thousands of dollars from blogging. I promise.

What else? I recently dined at Zuma, the new contemporary Japanese restaurant in the Epic building downtown, during its soft opening. I once again must note a conflict of interest in that I am now friends with Zuma's sommelier, and that I cannot give a full, unbiased review. All I will say is that the place is amazing. The service is professional, the decor is super cool, the view is a nice one of the Miami river (not being sarcastic), the cocktails are creative and delicious, and the food's basically perfect. It was so good that I insisted on trying a few bites of seafood and then had to deal with a hive/acne breakout for 2 days since I am still allergic, it seems. It was totally worth it since I didn't die. It was hilarious that only the women at the table were worried. The guys were all just like "dude, if you want to kill yourself eating seafood, that's your decision." Guys are so awesome.

I will note that Zuma is in the higher price range of restaurants in Miami. Of course, since it started in London (hint: one reviewer there called prices "stratospheric"), they probably snicker to themselves about how cheap it is. "Twenty quid fer a tuner and wasabi roll, ya say? You 'ave got to be kiddin', mate!" I don't remember what any of the actual prices were, since I didn't open the menu before the waiter took them away to order for the table, but I do remember the total on the practice bill they presented to us, which we would have been responsible to pay, had the restaurant been officially open. That would have been about 160 or 170 per person, drinks and tip included. So, that's about as expensive a dining experience as you will encounter in Miami. I guess I said that already. It's hard to stress how awesome it was that we didn't have to pay. We left a large tip, though, so it wasn't, like, free free.

I can confidently say that Zuma will be the hot spot in Miami for a while. VIP/celeb stuff will be going on for the next couple of weeks. I'm not expecting the Jersey Shoreans to be there, though. They're more "Barton G" people. Maybe those guys can even name a dish in their honor. Oh, this is just too easy. It could be called "Snooki," and it would obviously be snook, duh, blackened (tanned) and sprinkled with imitation gold leaf. It might be served in, oh, let's say a toy dump truck, in honor of New Jersey's proud reputation as New York's dump. And served with a six-pack of beer. And the six pack would be wearing sunglasses. How clever would that be? I think Barton G should probably hire me as a consultant what with all of these amazing dishes I keep coming up with for them. I am kidding about all of that, by the way. Totally kidding. Ha ha. Jokes are funny. And also, fun times are fun. Don't forget that.

Last thing for now - I'm going to be judging a cooking competition in Boca this weekend, sponsored by Cadillac. I don't know if I can just start inviting people, but check the event out here. Ok, just read the event description and anyone can go. I will be dining at the Capital Grille beforehand and test-driving cars afterward. Is it just me, or does this seem like prime tummy ache potential? And by the way, how awesome is it that stuff like this goes on while we're in the midst of the Great Recession/Not-So-Great Depression (your choice)? It's a great country. This event could only be improved if there were a shooting range where one could test out a machine gun or bazooka or tank or predator drone. And maybe my girlfriend cheering me on in a USA bikini.


Colin said...

Funny thing is that my girlfriend thought a bunch of this post was sarcastic, but I did get invited to that Cadillac event. I have no idea what it's going to be like, but I have that afternoon free and it sounds better than sitting on the couch and watching tv.

I forgot to mention that Zuma is going to offer "yacht service." This means that you can pull your yacht up to the dock at the Epic and the staff will come out and serve you dinner on your boat. I imagine that Miami's young ladies might be impressed by such an effort.

Colin said...

It's also been nagging at me that New Hampshire is really officially known as "The Granite State." But the license plate says "live free or die," and that sounds so badass, that I prefer to refer to that nickname.

Anonymous said...

the NH official motto is 'live free or die' while 'the granite state' is the official nickname. any recap of the eat/drive-cadilacs event forthcoming?

Colin said...

Anonymous, you always leave such insightful comments. I will post the Cadillac/Contest-Judgment piece posthaste, but I must first finish and submit the pieces I will be working on at the Skidmore Writers Institute this month and the next.